Family is a very fluid concept for children who have been adopted. For most people, the concept of family is a solid, consistent one. Even if we don't like our family very much we know who they are and we're pretty sure the definition isn't going to change soon. Adopted children, however, are different. As with much of their early lives, there is no such consistency for them.
They have their birth family, who in a lot of cases they no longer see. Even just thinking about them can cause upset and hurt. They may have experienced some bad things when they were with their birth family so even the very concept of family may be a difficult one for them. That said, there are probably members of their birth family that they were close to or have special memories of. It's not unusual for them to be very sad when thinking of losing their birth family.
They are also likely to have at least one or possibly multiple foster families that they have lived with and there will be members of that family who they have come to know like family and will think of as family. In a lot of cases children will not see their foster carers again after they have moved onto their forever family. Our kids absolutely adored their last foster placement and still miss them. It's still one of the most heart-wrenching things I've ever done driving the kids away from their foster carers house for the last time.
And then there is us. The adoptive family. The family that will be their family for the rest of their lives, or at least legally so, but in their heads it may not be as simple as that. When they hear the word Mummy or Daddy do they think of their birth family? Do the words Mummy and Daddy cause them pain? Thankfully in our case it doesn't seem that way, but we are always open with the children about their past so any hurt they are feeling, whether from memories of past experiences or simply from missing members of their birth or foster families, can be brought to us without fear of offense. We have to make sure they know that we understand that there are always going to be confused feelings when it comes to the concept of family.
Over the last few weeks we have been introducing the kids to the family and the kids have been fantastic. There has really been a connection with our family and it's beautiful to see. Our families have opened their arms, their hearts and their homes to these two strange children who have parachuted into the middle of their lives and they have treated them like they have always been there.
The hardest part for the family though must be the need to be reserved. They have lived this journey with us and have prayed to whatever being they chose for us and we know that ever since the kids moved in with us they have been itching to descend on us to meet them and to start to get to know them and love them. It must have been so hard for them to stay away, and when they did meet them not to smother them with hugs, kisses and gifts, but they have all been superb and done as we've asked in order to help the kids feel comfortable in their environment.
There is just one more part of the family to meet and it's going to be an emotional one. When the times were at the darkest they ran the race with us and got us to the finish line, even though they were far away.
It's just going to be a joy to know that this extra little bit of their family is being welcomed in with open arms and for something that can be so difficult every single member of our families has been overwhelmingly wonderful and I cannot thank them enough.
