The D Word. Or why I won't be celebrating Fathers Day on Sunday

It's a very emotive subject being a Dad, especially when you thought that you would never get the chance. The first time Mr Man used the D word was on the second day of introductions when we were going out for a trip in the foster carers car and he said "My Daddy is sitting next to me!". Not just "Daddy" but "my Daddy!".

We were warned very early on in the process that we may never hear the words Mummy and Daddy because some children who are adopted never feel like they can call their new family Mummy and Daddy so it was a little bit of a shock that it came so quickly. What was more shocking was that it came with an act of claiming. The use of "my" at the start was as shocking as it was amazing. Mr Man had decided that I, little old me, was HIS Daddy. (please excuse me while I pause here because I think I may have been chopping onions, or possibly there is something in my eye).

And so, we get onto the actual subject of this blog and it's a difficult one. On Sunday a lot of people will be celebrating Fathers Day, and it's something that I looked forward to throughout our long struggle to be a family. Every Fathers Day came and went and it looked less and less likely that I would ever be celebrating it.

And now since the children have been placed with us I get the chance to celebrate it. And do you know what? I won't be celebrating it this year either and it's because of the word Father. I am many things to these children and will be throughout their lives but the one thing I cannot (and do not wish to) claim is to be their father. That title belongs to someone else. The dictionary states that a father is "a man in relation to his child" and specifically relates this to the act of "fathering" a child. No matter how I wish it otherwise I was not involved in the fathering of children, either Mr Man and Little Miss or any others.

But there's a very famous saying that applies here and I hope the author (whoever that may have been) doesn't mind me reproducing that here:

It takes biology to be a father. It takes chemistry to be a Dad.

It does you know. You can be a father by accident. You choose to be a Dad. As we went through the adoption process I realised that I didn't want to be a father. It didn't matter to me if my children were related to be genetically. Does she have my eyes? Who cares! Does he have my smile? No, but his is better! Do they look at me like I'm the most important man in their lives? Sometimes, they do; and when they do my heart melts into a big gooey puddle because that's what being a Dad is all about.

And so, on Sunday I will happily and without any regret decide not to celebrate fathers day because the act of being a father isn't necessarily something to celebrate.

But I will be celebrating! Oh boy will I! But I will be celebrating something far more important to me and that's the fact that I am a Dad. 

Happy Dads Day for Sunday to all of the Dads, whether you are a Father, a Step-Dad, a live-in boyfriend, an Uncle, a Granddad, a Foster Carer, an adoptive Dad or just a bloke who provides support to children who need you. I will raise a glass to every last one of you.